Things I know for sure . . .

Ahhhh, children are in bed, my breast pump stuff is washed and drying for tomorrow, and Tony put clean sheets on our bed today - all is well in the world.

I just rubbed a drop of peppermint oil on my stomach diluted because my tummy was feeling a little out of wack. Mommies can't be out of wack. And yes you read that right - I used only one drop. Just one. These oils are so powerful and pure and I respect that. Less is more in the oil world. And then they last for a long time. Ah, I love not paying for Ava's asthma meds anymore. Because that whole med fiasco kept turning into MORE - "oh you need to have her take TWO inhalers now, not just the one." Ugh, no - give me less.

I do love modern medicine too though - it seriously is brilliant. Organ transplants, reattaching limbs, etc. You should have seen how amazing doctors were helping my niece after she was born with a kidney issue that I can't even pronounce. Seriously amazing. And I only saw some of it. My sister saw the whole dang thing. But some peppermint for a tummy issue? Yes please. Hold the Tums.

There are some things I wish I had more of - like time. Or more hands. Or a housekeeper. But that really wouldn't help me now would it? If I had more time, I would just be busier. If I had more hands, they would be doing other things and not focusing on holding my babies. If I had a housekeeper, I would probably feel the need to tidy up before she arrived so what's the freaking point in that?

Here's a list of things I know for sure:
1. The Lord needs to be first. Believe me.
2. I will never buy another Nissan.
3. If you are carrying a bunch of items in your arms, your child WILL find you and WILL walk slowly right in front of you.
4. Always have water with you when nursing your child. As soon as your child starts to suck your milk bags, you will feel like you will DIE OF THIRST.
5. Learning how to type in high school was one of the greatest skills I learned.
6. Getting laser eye surgery will change your life.
7. One day, I will go to heaven.
8. I love my husband more today than I did when we got married.
9. Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Unless your child is screaming. Or unless someone is standing near you with an undercooked turkey leg. Then it's not the happiest.
10. If you have a small child, they will need you as soon as you sit down for a meal.                                    
11. Take care of your automobiles.
12. My arthritis/joint pain is basically non-existent when I don't have dairy.
13. Having good boundaries with people will change your life.
14. Saying no is perfectly fine.
15. Act your wage (shout out to Dave Ramsey right here)
16. My children mean the world to me. I pray for them EVERY SINGLE DAY.
17. You do not need to know how to fold a fitted sheet. If you do know how to fold a fitted sheet, I will still like you.
18. Giving parenting advice is always a wonderful idea (I HOPE YOU ARE PICKING UP MY SARCASM).
19. Never ask someone if they are pregnant.
20. Children will have to poop whenever you leave the house.

Happy Thursday everyone.

-Em

I want a do-over

So I haven't mentioned this to anyone but Tony but I want a do-over. I would love if you could rewind time and back it up to when I thought my water broke early Sunday morning on March 16th. I want to stay at home that day and see if I could wait until Monday the 17th when I would of had a different anesthesiologist for my c-section. And the past few times recently that I've had to go back to my doctor for a postpartum check or to pick up a doctor's note, the smell of everything in those offices brings me right back to all of those prenatal appointments and feeling Jackson move inside of me. And I see all of those pregnant women in there and I wish it was me sitting there waiting to be called. Waiting to hear my son's heartbeat on the doppler. It's not that I'm wanting a third child - I want to re-do what happened. Because some parts I loved and I want to go through it again. And some parts were really hard and I wish it could be changed.

I loved so many parts of Jackson's birth and staying in the hospital. We were relaxed walking into the hospital, we felt calm and prepared, the nurses prepping me for surgery were great, Ava was being cared for back at home - just perfect.

Then the anesthesiologist started his work. I'm hunched over a table, trying to stay calm, yes I'm a little nervous of course but I've had a c-section before so I'm not freaking out. And my right leg just jolts up as I feel this electric current through my back and down the back of my leg. It hurt. Bad. And then I start tearing up but it just keeps hurting as I feel the pressure on my back and the pain. So now I'm crying and the nurse sort of jokingly says, "Awe Dr. so and so, you made her cry." So I try to laugh too thinking, ok that's over now, just take everything in right now - your son is about to be born.

Well then I just can't seem to stop the tears flowing from my eyes. I'm trying to lay there and appear so happy and as though "I've got this" but I can't stop crying. And then all of the tugging and pushing and I can't seem to calm down. I start to feel sick to my stomach and I try to ask the doctor for help. But he seems to have ADHD or something and was not sitting right by my head like the doctor who was with me when I had Ava. So he finds his way over and says, "remember -we talked about this - you may feel sick." Sort of in a condescending way like I'm a child. Sort of in a way that gets me to stop talking. And then more tugging, can't breathe well because everyone's reaching in everywhere - and then I hear crying. Awesome cries coming from our baby. And I just tried to just focus on his crying and listening for his stats to get myself through the final part of this surgery. I hear someone say "8 pounds 11 ounces!" And I remember thinking "wow, he's a big boy." But then the dry heaving started and I thought I might choke or aspirate on my vomit. They brought Jackson over to my face so I could see him and everyone around me is happy, and talking, and there's music playing, and all I can do is nod to show "yes, I see him." But I really just wanted them to take him away. Because I felt so sick.

I want to do that whole part over. I want it to be different.

Everything after that was great. I mean, seriously awesome. Ava got to hear the news first that she had a brother. She got to see him first and we just hung out together - our new family of 4. We had so few visitors which is what we wanted - I nursed whenever Jackson wanted to, didn't have to worry about modesty at all, loved the nurses that helped me and brought me drinks. It was all about caring for my baby, healing from surgery, and just taking it all in. When I had Ava, I felt like it was all about visitors and me thinking "let me wait until they leave to feed her" - it wasn't about healing and caring for my baby. It was caring for my company. And that was wrong.

So this part, after having the baby but still being in the hospital was AWESOME. The nurses were on it. It was amazing. I loved getting up at night when Tony and Jackson were asleep and cleaning up the room, putting everything in it's place. I would walk at night around the hall and then feed Jackson while watching Law & Order SVU on the tv. Tony got my oils out and gave me a foot massage with my orange oil. The room smelled delicious and clean from that oil. We opened the blinds every day and the sun shined in. Ava did her homework afterschool with us at the hospital. An old friend from my swim team days was a nurse there and came into see me and we talked and talked one night. The lactation consultant was the same one I had with Ava and we talked about where she moved recently and where her boys went to school. I felt like a mommy again. I felt wonderful.

I know I can't have a do-over. I get that. And I'm not one to dwell on things very long so I don't know why this keeps coming up for me. So that's why I figured, maybe I need to write everything out - just to get it all out.

I love my babies like you wouldn't believe. And I know I can't do the parts over that I wished were different.

But I still want a do-over.

-Emily

Happy Father's Day!

It's 4am and I'm wide awake. Like, let's get involved in a trivia match right now because I'd just freaking kill it. I think it's because for almost 3 months now, Jackson has wanted to eat every 1 hour and 45 mins round the clock and for the past week or so, he's decided, "You know, now I think I will sleep for 6 hours straight." SIX HOURS. Ho-lee-mother I am so well rested and stoked right now I seriously considered digging out some workout clothes and going for a morning jog. But then I thought, "it's dark outside - what if I run into a coyote?" So then I briefly thought about doing the dishes but I shuddered so here I am blogging instead.

It's also father's day today which I love. I love watching Tony with his babies. They love him. He loves them. And he gets to be with them every darn day. I freaking love that. Because he gives something to our family that I can't give because I'm a mommy. If Ava's scared or thinks she heard something, it's all about daddy. Daddy will fix it. Daddy will make sure I'm safe.

The other night, we were coming home from something and as Tony was unlocking the door, he must have sensed something wasn't right so he went inside to check everything. He just opened the door, said "don't come in - wait right here" like his ears or something alerted to who-knows-what. Everything turned out fine so I'll save you the suspense, but just knowing his strong presence was there to do whatever manly thing needed to be done - I love that. He would stand between us and danger in a second. And we feel safe.

He doesn't just contribute safety to the family in case you're thinking we just use him as our bodyguard. He's the one who doesn't freak out if someone is hurt. He sets an even tone for chaos. He's the let-me-cook-you-breakfast-in-the-morning (did you catch that people? COOK. The most I do is put cereal bowls out in the morning). He loves reading Shel Silverstein to our children. He just started reading the Harry Potter series to Ava. He can totally give "the look" and Ava knows he means business. *I have a look too by the way but when it doesn't work, I've totally resulted to "I'm going to have to tell your dad when he gets home" and it immediately straightens our child out.

So fathers are a really big deal. Like, really big. And part of me right there wanted to say they are bigger than mommies - that's how important they are. Some of you might disagree with me on that point. But deep down in my gut, it just feels right to say. I know I'm important to my children. But I KNOW Tony is important to his children. Maybe it's because I know what it's like when the dad is not too "with it." But now that I'm married and have children and see how awesome Tony is with Ava and Jackson, dang it means so much to have an awesome Father, you know? And biblically, hello! Referring to the Lord as our Father and everything that means - Father's are a big deal! A huge deal.

Happy Father's Day people. Your families need you more than you may think.

-Emily

Three Minutes

Three minutes - that was my goal time to spend in the shower relaxing and breathing with no one around. Like, with no interruptions. Just three minutes. Now, Jackson was in his bassinet in the bathroom with me so I sort of had a stalker anyway. But with the shower curtain closed, I had a few minutes, I hoped, to myself. About 45 seconds in, Ava pulled the curtain back because she wanted to show me a magic trick. A magic trick with a blueberry. And she needed to attempt it twice because the first time, the blueberry rolled away. So now I'm lathering up nodding my head with an energetic encouraging smile on my face to show her I am interested and I am freaking amazed by this blueberry trick. I totally love her.

Since the curtain is pulled back, I notice she still has no shoes on for school. And Jackson has a toy laying right on his face. Cute. So now I'm laughing because this whole situation makes me laugh and because, who was I kidding? I wasn't going to get 3 minutes today in the shower with no interruptions.

I am just taking this all in right now because one day, my children won't live here with me and I will wish Ava was little again to show me her blueberry magic trick. Lathering myself up in some mood elevating oils helps too.

Happy Thursday everyone!

-Em

Yeah, I TOTALLY know what's going on

So I haven't looked into it yet, but maybe there's an oil for forgetfulness due to being tired/being milked/being tired. There must be! And I will find it! Because I just keep forgetting everything and then when people talk to me, they assume I know exactly what they are talking about but I don't. OR as they are talking it then jogs my brain and I remember! BUT I can't make it too obvious that at first I didn't know what they were talking about and then the light bulb came on.

Because at first I'm overly confident and I'm thinking "clearly, this sweet person is talking to the wrong person but I'll just nod along politely because that's how I roll" and then BAM - in my head the memory floods right back and I think, holy crap! Ava DOES have Sarah's birthday party tomorrow and this lady is asking me about it. Do I know this person? Is this Sarah's mom (which would  be even MORE horrifying)? No wait - I don't think it's Sarah's mom but it is clearly someone from Ava's daisy troop. And now she has PAUSED which clearly indicates she asked me a question while I was kicking myself and I now have to come up with a response. Oh my.

I have found laughing and smiling does the trick sometimes for two reasons - 1) It just may be an accepted response to the situation and no one gets hurt when we go our separate ways. 2) It may show I was confused and then they will have some pity on me and we can still be friends.

I wasn't always like this. I swear! I was very good with names, people, faces, etc. I wrote things in my calendar but who are we kidding? That was just for show because I would have remembered the appointment, the weekly schedule, the month and year Tony had his last root canal (yes, he has had more than one). I used to be ON FIRE. Now, the fire is clearly gone and I am at the mercy of my phone reminders or I just forget anyway after I turn the phone reminder off (sigh).

I walked excitedly into a place the other day to have a couple hours of pampering with no children and without being milked and the lovely man at the desk asked me who I was there to see. I confidently and clearly stated "Tessa" because I just knew I couldn't possibly have the name wrong of the person who was going to let me hang out in their establishment kid-less. Oh no. The lovely man had a blank look on his face. I started to panic. He turns to the woman next to him who then looks at me. So I began to just ramble - "Oh I must have heard the name wrong. I'm sorry. I have a newborn. I'm always tired (insert please-help-me-smile). This rambling seemed to have helped because a customer in the store reached out and touched my arm and smiled. So that was nice. So they handed me over to someone named Stephanie (probably the closest name to Tessa they could find in their establishment so that I wouldn't feel too bad) and all was well again.

So I'm hoping this just lasts for a little bit longer because having my old brain back would be really nice. And I think it will. I am hopeful (insert smiley face). BUT I am going to search for an oil for this because there's an oil for everything else so I am confident!

Happy Saturday!

-Emily

"Things have changed." - Ava

Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones leaving my body. Or maybe it's just what happens when you add another child to your family. But when you forget to find your oldest child during a game of hide-and-seek, you feel BAD. I mean really bad - like tears spring up in your eyes as you look at your first born who asks you "mommy why didn't you come find me? Aren't we still playing?" The child I always had time for and I forgot we were playing a game. How does that happen? I was counting to 30 and in a few minutes, I just totally forgot. Where is my brain? 

Things have changed for sure. And while most of it is wonderful it is also much more tricky. Dinner time on is tricky as I have a child stuck on my boob, another one who needs to eat, I would like to eat, our dog wants to eat, then there's bath time, reading, etc. And Ava wants me to scratch her head in bed AND read the book but Jackson is crying. Hmmm, tricky. 

I know Ava was okay that I didn't come find her right away during our game. But I was not okay. So what do I do to make it up to her to show her I haven't forgotten her? I enroll her in swim lessons. How fun. Something else to get out the door for with a baby on my boob. And be on time. And I hope I don't forget. I already put it in my calender with an hour reminder time but who knows? Maybe once I hit snooze on the reminder, I'll forget. Because this also just happened. Ava had a daisy troop outing and my phone's alarm went off. So I hit dismiss and I proceeded to get her permission slip and made the loud announcement in the house "Don't forget - you have daisies in an hour!" And then I forgot. No one took her. And at at six o'clock I yelled out, "we forgot your daisy meeting!" How did I forget in an hour? There's got to be an oil for that :) 

So in a nutshell, I'm still trying, and trying to do better. And I know our children are loved and feel loved. I really do know this. But man, those little moments when you let your kids down - that hurts. And all I could think of to say was sorry - mommy's so sorry. Which I guess is good in a way - Ava will see it is good to apologize to others and to make things right. But I think that's still just me trying to make myself feel better. I won't beat myself up too much - I think this is all part of it, part of the transition to having another baby. And it really just was an accident. But that incident just keeps popping up in my mind at random moments. Dang being a parent is hard. But it's so great too. 

Happy Tuesday everyone.

-Emily

I am now the crazy oil lady

So yeah, it's been since October since I started using young living oils and I can now officially say I am the crazy oil lady. I totally see it in people's eyes when they come over with horrible allergies and they look at me nervously when I ask them if they want me to make them a capsule - they look a little frightened. Of course I also tell them they don't need to take it if they don't want to or if they're not comfortable with it or check with you doctor first, etc. But they are usually pretty curious so they down it. Then they're amazed when it works. And then we laugh together because the whole thing still seems so weird and wacky to me. Because how can a few drops of lemon, lavender, and peppermint help their allergies? I know - weird.

Premium Starter Kit I got back in October (it came with freaking 11 oils and a diffuser):

But what also is so weird is how I used to readily give Ava some claritin whenever her allergies were crazy (because allergies trigger her asthma and oh Lord, my anxiety would go up) and she would suffer horrible bloody noses from the allergy meds. So now I had a child who wasn't suffering from allergies anymore but instead would have bloody noses for a few days. Well that's great. By the way - the side effect for Ava from me putting the allergy trio on the bottoms of her feet? No allergies.

Allergy trio that works for us:

Now, even I must say an oil one person uses for a headache may not help me with my headache. I found that out when everyone swore by YL peppermint rubbed on my temples for a headache - did not help me one bit. But luckily there are other oils to try (just like there's other meds to try for migraines) and I found my choice oil! A drop of thieves on my thumb pressed to the roof of my mouth for 30 seconds. Now, let's all laugh together right now (hahahaha) because that is just plain wacky. But I would usually take 3 extra strength rapid release tylenol for a migraine so since I don't do that anymore, my liver thanks me greatly.

So I really really really want to have an oil party so I can explain what carrier oils are, show everyone my bag of tricks, show peeps how I make foot cream, etc. because I soooo wish I could have learned some of this stuff early on from someone in person. But my friend Ashley so willingly answered all of my questions through email, text, facebook, etc (she lives far away from me) and was so patient with me as I learned and asked questions. And I invite you all to do the same too! Seriously - ask me your questions and I will try to help you because I am literally up all hours of the night and day feeding a human. And also, let me know if you want me to add you to our oil group on facebook. That's how I started learning about all of this young living oil stuff. 

I do want to mention I only use young living oils - nothing else. Someone who I love dearly (name will be withheld) tried to help her child's eczema by using some store bought oils - they didn't work. So her conclusion? Essential oils don't work. Wrong! They do work if you are using 100% pure therapeutic grade oils. Luckily, this person tried young living and her daughter's skin looks amazing. So yeah . . . she is now a crazy oil lady too.  

So talk to your doctor if you are on meds, come over to my house and check out my collection, ask me questions, laugh at me - whatever floats your boat. Because I was the person laughing when I heard about oils but now I laugh even more because I have found them to work wonders for my family and I haven't had to pay for Ava's asthma meds for months. Take that singulair and albuterol! (I know, I know, that sounds so stupid and cheesy but I am running on fumes for sleep so please forgive me).

Ava's asthma oils:

Happy Wednesday!

-Emily