You're Welcome

Simplify your life! Why would I waste time doing something when there's an easier way? I am going to share with you 10 ways I make my life easier. Hold on to your pants - you are about to be blown away. And disclaimer - I am typically behind the times with most things. We do not own cable television for instance so I never typically know what is going on in the world. So some of you will read this list and think, "my pants did not blow off." So I apologize ahead of time.

1. Online banking.

Who left of you is not doing this and why? I can't remember the last time I bought a stamp and I can't even tell you how much a stamp costs. 40 cents? No clue. Paying my phone, electric, and gas bill in 46 seconds while sitting on the toilet while my kids are in the bath is the best invention ever. EVER.

2. This thing:

Whatever the heck this thing is has saved me on many occasions. You use it to open lids. I got it as a wedding gift and it was one of the best gifts ever. This and my flower print screwdriver that comes apart and has any attachment you may need.

3. Dollar Shave Club.

Holy heck where has this been my whole life? Lets have a reenactment shall we?

(Tony yelling) "Babe we don't have any more razors!"

Me: "Not true my sweet potato! 5 new ones just came in the mail for $3.64. We never need to leave the house to buy razors again!"

Tony: "I knew I married you for a reason!"

4. Young Living Essential Oils.

Tummy stuff? Here's some peppermint. Feeling low? Here's some joy. Think you're sick? Diffuse some thieves. This stuff has saved my life and made my life so much easier since my friend told me about this two years ago.

But oh you picked up your lavender from CVS and also picked up a chemical burn in the process? No folks! Not a darn chance! I will only buy from YL. The purest of the pure, they've been in the essential oil business for 21 years so they have had a beautiful amount of time to learn how to achieve the purest of the pure essential oil, they have a Seed to Seal guarantee because their stuff is distilled slowly at low pressure low heat so as not to lose the therapeutic properties of the plant, you can visit their farms - you know I could go on and on right? They are the best of the best. Don't waste your money or time on anything else. And if you have, come to my house and we will compare our stuff. And I will win. Boom.

5. Winder Farms delivery.

Food delivered to my door every Tuesday morning that I have picked out the night before? So if I need something it just shows up and I don't have to leave my house with children or wondering if I put on deodorant? Yes please! Minimum purchase is $10 a week and you can skip weeks. Amazeballs.

6. AAA

I have been a member of AAA for about 12 years. Yes you can get a tow, jump, get your keys out of your locked car but this is not why I do it - never dealing with the DMV is why I do it. Tags expiring? Walk right into AAA and hand over your car registration money for those cute stickers that the government makes you get every year. Need to add your husband to the title of your car? AAA will do it! The DMV would mess that stuff up. And ruin your life.

7. Thieves Cleaner.

I use this stuff for everything. EVERYTHING. And you don't have to evacuate your family to use it. I spray it on my countertops, windows, mirrors, ants, carpet stains - 1 bottle typically lasts me a year and costs about $22. One capfull per spray bottle and then you just spray away and wipe with a cloth. Easiest thing ever. Makes cleaning quick quick quick. Smells like cinnamon and Christmas.

8. Essential Beauty Serum

I use this on my face morning and night and my skin has never felt better. I do not use face lotion - I use jojoba oil with two drops of this stuff. Lasts me about 2 months. Costs $19.

9. Wine in a box.

Nothing more to say other than you're welcome.

10. Unfiltered Organic Apple Cider Vinegar

Add some to your water for digestive stuff, clean with it, I use it in my hair about once a week - gets rid of build up and my hair is so soft and shiny after. Itchy scalp? Mix a little with water and pour it on your head. Itch is gone and your smile will return. Stinks to high heaven but at least my hair and scalp feels great.

And there you have it folks! May you all rest a little easier tonight because of this info!

-Em

Sleeping through the night? When does that start?

Last night cracked me up. 

Because if I didn't laugh, I would have thrown in the towel. Or ran off into the humid night air to sleep in one of those tunnel slides at the park to find rest.

We have a rule in the Dual home - everyone starts in their own bed. You are free to come to our bed at some point during the night if needed to finish the rest of your blissful sleep but this bed is mommy and daddy's. 

And by 'start in your own bed' we really mean everyone can start in our bed until they fall asleep. And then I will carry the lighter one to bed and Tony will move the taller one. Perfect arrangement right? Feel free to take notes on our perfect parenting. 

At some point between 11pm amd 1230am Jack wakes up. Sometimes I pretend I don't hear him on the monitor in case Tony swiftly comes to the rescue to get him. Or I'll poke Tony in the ribs pleading, "Please will you get him?" Based on his response, it will determine who gets to make the trek, half asleep, to get our wonderful child Jack. Then I get to start the night long nursing session with Jack who will climb over me every 20 minutes or so for the "udder side." Breastfeeding can be so glamorous right?

When I wake up at some point because I'm huddled on the edge of the bed with one corner of a sheet covering my shoulder, I'll notice Ava has also made her way to our bed. 

So this leads me to my crack up night. Jack fell asleep so I put him in his bed. I dragged Ava to her bed where she fell asleep. I began congratulating myself way too soon so by the time I turned on Netflix, I began to hear Jack on the monitor. I stayed really still, sort of like someone just heard me robbing their house so I was holding my breath (I've never robbed anyone btw but that's what I imagine it would be like) but at the same time praying "Nooooo Lord! We had a deal!" No idea what that deal was by the way. Salvation for a night with no kids in the bed? No clue. 

But I still had some hope - I didn't think it would take Jack long to get back to sleep. And I was right - an hour later, I'm carefully carrying him back to his crib, still arranging a deal with the Lord if Jack stays asleep, all while using my best ninja moves to lower him into the crib, remove my arms from around his body, and silently run the heck out of there as if I was light as a feather, stiff as a board. *Some of you may remember that game. 

Totally worked and I was just turning Netflix back on when the eldest child comes in and curls up. Noooooo! Then 15 minutes later, here comes my best friend Jack and that's when the cracking up started. Because I could have easily cracked open some bourbon or the front door to escape and cry. But no - I just decided if I didn't want to go crazy, hysterically laughing it was!  Maybe it's the lack of sleep for years. Maybe it's the wacky thyroid hormones. Hard to tell really. 

And each night I'm thinking why in the heck did I not oil anyone up?! So now tonight, I'm not going to forget! Every child will get some rutavala, cedarwood, and lavender. Unless I forget or fall asleep. And then I'll just have to remember to do it tomorrow. 

Sometimes I torture myself by thinking about when I was kidless and I could sleep whenever. Oh you're feeling tired? Just fall where ever you land and sleep for hours on end. There's no one who's survival depends on you therefore, rest thine eyes for a few and drift away into a blissful, uninterrupted sleep. Or maybe the birds chirping may interrupt you or the sun streaming through your curtains may cause you a bit of a stir. Poor thing. Poor freaking thing. Ugh, now I sounded like a jerk. Let me take a big yoga breath right now. 

So just laugh mommies. It seems to be working for me. Clearly.