Because if I didn't laugh, I would have thrown in the towel. Or ran off into the humid night air to sleep in one of those tunnel slides at the park to find rest.
We have a rule in the Dual home - everyone starts in their own bed. You are free to come to our bed at some point during the night if needed to finish the rest of your blissful sleep but this bed is mommy and daddy's.
And by 'start in your own bed' we really mean everyone can start in our bed until they fall asleep. And then I will carry the lighter one to bed and Tony will move the taller one. Perfect arrangement right? Feel free to take notes on our perfect parenting.
At some point between 11pm amd 1230am Jack wakes up. Sometimes I pretend I don't hear him on the monitor in case Tony swiftly comes to the rescue to get him. Or I'll poke Tony in the ribs pleading, "Please will you get him?" Based on his response, it will determine who gets to make the trek, half asleep, to get our wonderful child Jack. Then I get to start the night long nursing session with Jack who will climb over me every 20 minutes or so for the "udder side." Breastfeeding can be so glamorous right?
When I wake up at some point because I'm huddled on the edge of the bed with one corner of a sheet covering my shoulder, I'll notice Ava has also made her way to our bed.
So this leads me to my crack up night. Jack fell asleep so I put him in his bed. I dragged Ava to her bed where she fell asleep. I began congratulating myself way too soon so by the time I turned on Netflix, I began to hear Jack on the monitor. I stayed really still, sort of like someone just heard me robbing their house so I was holding my breath (I've never robbed anyone btw but that's what I imagine it would be like) but at the same time praying "Nooooo Lord! We had a deal!" No idea what that deal was by the way. Salvation for a night with no kids in the bed? No clue.
But I still had some hope - I didn't think it would take Jack long to get back to sleep. And I was right - an hour later, I'm carefully carrying him back to his crib, still arranging a deal with the Lord if Jack stays asleep, all while using my best ninja moves to lower him into the crib, remove my arms from around his body, and silently run the heck out of there as if I was light as a feather, stiff as a board. *Some of you may remember that game.
Totally worked and I was just turning Netflix back on when the eldest child comes in and curls up. Noooooo! Then 15 minutes later, here comes my best friend Jack and that's when the cracking up started. Because I could have easily cracked open some bourbon or the front door to escape and cry. But no - I just decided if I didn't want to go crazy, hysterically laughing it was! Maybe it's the lack of sleep for years. Maybe it's the wacky thyroid hormones. Hard to tell really.
And each night I'm thinking why in the heck did I not oil anyone up?! So now tonight, I'm not going to forget! Every child will get some rutavala, cedarwood, and lavender. Unless I forget or fall asleep. And then I'll just have to remember to do it tomorrow.
Sometimes I torture myself by thinking about when I was kidless and I could sleep whenever. Oh you're feeling tired? Just fall where ever you land and sleep for hours on end. There's no one who's survival depends on you therefore, rest thine eyes for a few and drift away into a blissful, uninterrupted sleep. Or maybe the birds chirping may interrupt you or the sun streaming through your curtains may cause you a bit of a stir. Poor thing. Poor freaking thing. Ugh, now I sounded like a jerk. Let me take a big yoga breath right now.
So just laugh mommies. It seems to be working for me. Clearly.
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